All episodes: Expanded View · List View · Upcoming Episodes · Recent Episodes. Family Guy Episode Guide. All of your favorite Family Guy Episodes in detail.Family Guy/Season 1. Wikiquote. Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth Mac. Farlane for FOX in 1. The show was cancelled in 2. DVDs and reruns on Adult Swim, production of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2. Family Guy and all related characters, episodes and quotes are a copyright of 2. Century FOX. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the Wikimedia Foundation Do NOT ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference purposes only. Neither Wikiquote nor its parent company, The Wikimedia Foundation, have any affiliation with 2. Century FOX, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape or form. Please read Family Guy/Format for notes on how to use and edit this article.
Brian: I guess we're in a town called Springfield. Stewie: Springfield, eh? What state? Brian: I can't imagine we're allowed to say. Lois: Oh, this Springfield place looks nice. We should visit here again. Brian: I dunno, Lois. Family guy rocks. I haven't seen too much of the show, but I see a few episodes airing on tv every now and then, and I also recently started Family guy rocks. This seems like a one- shot deal. Peter: Don't drink the water. Everyone around here looks like they have hepatitis. Lois: Thank you so much for putting us up until we find our car. Marge: And thank you for not being a band of hippie murderers. Peter: . Donut. Homer: That's pretty good, but try it like this. Mmm.. donut.. Peter: Mmm.. Is that a popular expression like . Uh, hey, guys, do I get a Lee Ki- Bum? C'mon, look at the stools. Uh, is there a Lee Ki- Bum? Stewie: Hello, Moe? Your sister's bein' raped! Bob Belcher: Yeah, we did it! Homer: What's he doin' here? Peter: Oh, we gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened. Cleveland: No, no, no, no, no, NO!!! This beer tastes exactly like Duff. It's just a lousy ripoff. Peter: Hey, whoa whoa whoa! It's not a ripoff of Duff! It may have been inspired by Duff, but I.. I like to think it goes in a different direction. Homer: No, this is just the same as Duff, but, like, worse. Peter: Hey, come on, now, this is my favorite beer you're talkin' about. Hell, I work for the company. It's my livelihood. Moe: ? Well, your livelihood is based on fraud. Look at this. Your beer is in big trouble. You can't just slap a new label on something and call it your own. Peter: Well, maybe Duff should be in trouble for, you know, not being that great. Homer: . I mean, don't get me wrong. I used to love Duff when I was younger, but I, I haven't even had it in like 1. And you sir, as a representative of Pawtucket Patriot Ale, are being sued for intellectual theft and patent infringement. Homer: Ah ha!! Intellectual infringement. What do you have to say about that Griffin!?! Peter: D'oh!!! Judge: I've heard all I need to hear to make a decision. They're both pale imitations of my favorite beer, Bud Rock. Suddenly, Peter's cellphone starts ringing. I'm in the wrong Springfield. Homer: Hey, knock it off! There's a kid back there! Ralph: Heh- heh, I'm in danger. Krusty: Remeber, kids. TV violence is fine as long as you don't show a nipple. Kodos: Perfect, the Earthlings are destroying themselves. Peter: It appears that I am now the only one with radioactive powers, which will allow me to unleash my fury.. That really hurts! Homer: No it doesn't! I do it to my son all the time! Peter: You strangle your own son? That's insane! No wonder he's fat and stupid and masturbates all the time! Homer: That's your son! Peter: ! I don't got none of them!? A couple o' calves got loose. Pow! Parent: You're awful! Peter: Applause is customary. The blood's not for you. Mosquito: Aww. Oh, look, an empty tire with some water in it. All right, I'm happy again. The foundation is totally out of whack. I mean, the whole house is slanting down to that cliff over there. Bonnie: Uh- huh. Can you open the sliding door? The wheelchair rolls easily through the door and smashes on the rocks below the cliff! Zap! Lois: Chris, are Brian and your father back yet? Chris: No, and why are you saying the dog's name before Dad's? Stewie: It's weird. Y.. yeah, you're right, that is weird.? You chose a turkey over me? I almost died! Peter: I swear to God, I thought dogs could breathe underwater. Joe: Hey, do you think if I let Jesus sleep with Bonnie, he'd give me back the use of my legs? Peter: Joe, I don't speak for Jesus, I just get him trim. Rupert: Hey, everybody, just so you know, I'm straight! German Soldier: Heil Hooters! Otto: Careful, it might be a . You unilaterally decided I was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who could only hang out with a baby. Stewie: Hey! We have fun. Ruth: Your mom's so fucking hot! Brian: . You take her left side, I'll take her right. Brian: What? Uh, how about top and bottom or front and back? Stewie: How about I take head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes? Brian: Okay, you can have those. Stewie: You just gave away the store mister. Dr. Finklestein: ! A five! Meg: All right. See you later. Lois: Where are you off to? Meg: Actually, I met a photographer at Stewie's school yesterday, and he wants me to model for him. I believe they're defective. Lois: Oh my God, Peter, did you just rip your own ears off? Peter: It was the easiest way to let her know the news was ridiculous. I was the one who threw up in the sink. Lois: Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter, that's not gonna work, you can't just.. Chris: It's made of Skittles! You want to eat the baby together on the way home? Lois: Yeah, I'd like that. Peter: Now, what are the ingredients to a viral internet video? Joe: Cats. Stewie: I have a such craving for burgers. It's like my body is just craving red meat, and mint chip ice cream and only mint chip. Any other ice creams makes me want to puke. Is that weird? Brian: Yes, Stewie. That's the one weird thing in all this. Adam West: ? Just aim for the pond? Peter: No, you're not supposed to hit it into the water. Lois: But you hit it into the water. Peter: ! WE'RE HAVING FUN! It went further than your ball! Didn't we, Lois? Lois: Absolutely. Peter: Alright! Let's dope her up good. Turn that mouth off. TSA Agent: There you are. Listen up, Meg. This TSA isn't sweaty enough for the two of us. Meg: What? What does that even mean? TSA Agent: It means stay away from Larry. I'm his girlfriend. Meg: You are? Oh, my God, I thought you were a boy. Joe: Peter, be careful up there. We'll drink our way out of this! Peter: Alright, Brian, it's time for you to take one of these pills from the vet. Brian: Uh, yeah, right. Can we do what we normally where we normally roll it up in a piece of cheese like you're fooling me? Peter: Yeah, I guess. Brian: Peter, get away from my ass! Neil: . Joe, I'd tell you to take your seat, but I'd be about 1. Quagmire: Well first off, Peter's always been special. In high school, he didn't play sports, but he did wear a helmet. Quagmire: But I gotta say the worst part about being Peter's friend is knowing that eventually you're gonna have to be the fatass' pallbearer. Lift with the legs, right fellas? Cleveland: Peter's got a small penis. But, hey, nuthin' grows in the shade! Carter: As Lois' father, I hate the thought of her having sex with Peter. Lois: And so do I! Carl: I asked Peter what he got on his SATs. Ya can't hold down a job. You got a high blood pressure. You could be black if ya didn't have such a damn tiny ding- a- ling! On the season 1. 3 DVD, . Peter Griffin has never played a jungle cat of any sort, not even a smallish one, like a lynx. Peter: You ever got your ass handed to you by a Type 2 diabetic?? She had so many children she didn't know what to do? I know what she should do: get your tubes tied, ya kook! Peter(to the set security guard): We're here to see Liam Neeson, the guy who wears the same long jacket in his movies.(Peter dresses as Mrs. Potato Head to lure Liam Neeson out, but ends up getting the attention of Colin Farrell, who pushes him down and rapes him)Peter(as he walks away, still in the Mrs. Potato Head costume, which is now frowning and dented): The back is all mashed potatoes now.(during the . Like you don't want to spend time with me. Peter: Okay, I feel a numbness radiating from my left arm. Donna(to Cleveland): I feel like you should help out more around the house. Cleveland: I feel like salty and sweet. When is Hitler's birthday? Counselor: April 2. Peter: Wow. Yikes. Counselor: Joe, what is Bonnie's favorite food? Joe: Well, she must like ground glass because I keep finding it in my food. Counselor: Cleveland? Cleveland: Pass. Counselor: Quagmire, what color are Kimi's eyes? Quagmire: Shaved. S. sorry, what is it? What was the question? If Ben eventually turned into one himself, and it prompted him to either hurt or kill Adam, how can Claire and the rest of the Warrens fault him when he was just trying to survive? But just when Claire and Willa decided to accept Ben for who he really is, and the Warrens seemed to find peace for the first time in a while — well, with the exception of Danny, who left town when Willa informed him there was an impostor living under their roof — Ben received a phone call from the real Adam: alive and well and on a mission to get his life back from the boy that stole it. Other developments in the crucial hour: After turning in her cover story on the Warrens and quitting her job at the Red Pines Gazette, Bridey was revealed to be dead — and though we never saw who killed her, it’s strongly hinted that Willa had something to do with it; Nina finally, finally located her missing colleague (at last, a victory!); and Hank, no longer receiving the injections that suppress his pedophilic habits, just barely resisted the urge to violate a young boy that he drove home from the park. Oh, and that entry on our May Sweeps Scorecard involving a character getting shot in the penis? That would be Doug, who, just before getting apprehended by the police, received a bullet to the groin, courtesy of Adam. Mere hours before The Family. Read on for her insights. TVLINE . Tell me why you felt this reveal was the best way to end the season — and was there ever a time when you didn’t plan to “resurrect” Adam? That was important to both ABC and me — when you’re pitching a series, you want to have more in mind than just the first 1. A big part of the show, moving forward, is having Adam out there and having these two boys circling each other, with both of them being in the family’s life. I’m trying to remember if we ever had second thoughts about . In the writers’ room, we probably had second thoughts about when to reveal it. It was on the board an episode earlier, and we were going to jump forward in time in the season finale. But with a twist like that, it’s hard not to leave it until the final moments. TVLINE . They’ve come, emotionally, to this place of accepting Ben. I love what Claire says when she comes back from this experience in the bunker, which is that he was treated like an animal down there, and we can’t really judge. It’s not his fault if he turned into one. Claire and Willa both hear that, and they’re looking at Ben like he’s a survivor of this horrible trauma, too. They’re going to accept him into their lives no matter what really happened, and they are at this peace. Claire has won governor, everyone’s on board — it really feels like the family has had this victory, both emotionally and politically. And then that phone call comes, which is clearly going to shatter everything, moving forward. We always knew we wanted to end it on Claire’s question — “Who was it, honey?” — and then abruptly cut to black. I love her face, so full of love and happy and calm. There’s no stress on her back right now, and it’s one of the few moments we see that in the series. There’s this irony of Claire just making pancakes and washing dishes, and she has no idea what’s about to happen — that’s what we were going for. TVLINE . We’ll have a lot more going on next season, which is why I’m really excited. We’ll still have our flashbacks, but they’re going to be telling a very different story in Season 2. They won’t be surrounding the time of the disappearance. We’re going to have a riveting murder mystery going on, because as you see at the end of the season finale, Bridey has been murdered, and it heavily implicated Willa. You’ll see in Season 2 that that answer isn’t so clear- cut. A lot of the flashbacks will revolve around Bridey, and I said to Floriana . She was excited about that. She’s definitely not off the show, and we have some good stuff coming up with her. And, of course, we have the Adam storyline. He’s out there, and it won’t be late into the season that he makes his reappearance into the family. The season opener will begin with Claire seeing the real Adam. We’re not going to wait. It basically happens in the teaser. It will be in the first two minutes of the show. TVLINE . One path was that we could keep her out there — Willa makes this offer to her in the finale that if she keeps her mouth shut and doesn’t publish the story, she will basically have all access, all the time, to what goes on in the governor’s mansion. We did go down that storyline and looked at what that would be, and for me, it was our biggest struggle to tell fun, organic Season 2 stories with Bridey. We had so much going on with all of the other stories. Then we said, “What if we killed her off, but she’s not off the show? And we showed next season how she was into way more things than we thought she was into, in terms of her investigative reporting?” That option became all the more interesting for us, because A) it gave us a lot of story, but B) it also gave the character more to do, ironically, in death. We thought about how to best serve this character that we all really like, and it’s so hard when you have so many storylines going on. We really wanted to find a cool way to use her, and we realized flashbacks would be a better way to explore everything we thought we knew about this character next season, because we didn’t know everything. TVLINE . Did you want to leave room for the audience to suspect Adam was still alive? It’s a fine, fine line to walk. We didn’t want to cheat the audience in terms of showing a fake death. We really didn’t show him die. If you look back in Episode 7, their escape route in this tunnel is foiled, and then in the next flashback, Adam is lying there all sweaty, and Ben is helpless and doesn’t know what to do. And then in the finale, you actually see the injury that happens and the escape attempt and that Ben doesn’t help him in the moment Adam needs him most. You see how that injury has occurred, but you still don’t see him actually stop breathing. You just see Ben on the ground, staring at this wound, and then Doug comes down and says, “I did everything I could.” Savvy audience members were probably going, “Wait, we didn’t see him actually die. We didn’t see a burial.” Fans out there are definitely guessing, but at the same time, you want to lean as much as possible into the idea that he’s gone, because you don’t want to ruin that cliffhanger. I’m hoping we delivered a finale where, even if the fans know . And, of course, we see him get very tempted by a young boy in this finale. Why did you want to have Hank backslide a bit? The thing that’s really interesting about Hank is he’s determined to distinguish himself from Doug, from the monster that actually took Adam. Here’s the man that has been blamed and incarcerated for what happened to Adam, and he didn’t do it, but he’s still not a saint. He’s still a pedophile, and we didn’t want to shy away from that. While people do have overwhelming sympathy for him — and I love that, because I do, too — we wanted to make it more complicated than that. We wanted to say to the audience, “Listen, this is a guy who struggles with this, and it is a problem, and he has a very, very hard time fixing it.”The storyline in the finale — it’s the ultimate temptation for Hank. He’s off his meds, and this quest to exonerate himself for the crime — in terms of helping Nina solve it and being publicly praised for it — has all gone awry. Going into the finale, Hank’s like, “Screw it. If everyone thinks I’m a monster, I’m going to be a monster.” And he runs into this kid and does the worst possible thing he can do, which is drive him home. He doesn’t offer; all those moments were so carefully crafted. We were like, “Should he offer? No, the kid has to ask!” And then it’s bad enough that he agrees, but there’s this moment where he’s looking at the kid in the car, and we fully realize that this isn’t just a light yearning for this man. This is who he is, and he hates himself for it, and we hate him for it. We’re so relieved when he says, “Get out of the car.” The conversation with John . They’ve been looking at Hank like he did it, and he really wants to draw the difference between wanting things and taking them. That’s what Hank ultimately tells himself every morning in the mirror, and that’s how he gets up and lives with himself as a person. He thinks, “I don’t take it. Even though I’m broken in this way, I am not the monster that other people are.” We wanted to serve the complexity of the character and not shy away from it, but at the same time, really show that there is a difference between him and Doug. It had been building all season as he’s been looked at by this family as “just the guy that took Adam.”TVLINE . He thought that would make him feel better, and it just doesn’t. He goes over to Hank’s house because he needs to know how it happened. He needs to have some closure, and even though the guy’s in the hospital with his penis shot off — . He turns to the most unlikely source for closure, and the two of them are always really interesting together. We had fun with that scene. What did you think of The Family? Grade the episode in our poll below, then hit the comments to back up your choice!
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